on the fence?

[spring break]

pro: chill day today, just a quick calculus class and an easy meteorology test tomorrow before spring break starts. not nervous about anything. excited because I haven't really been home in 6 weeks. excited to see certain people and relax because for once I have no homework over break.

con: only three friends are in town over break because everyone can afford tickets to New York to visit Huy and Steph but my family only makes $30,000 a year with 2 out of 3 people in college so I don't have the money to join them. and they say they'll text me and call me all the time when they're in NYC and I'm just like, wtf that'll only make me feel worse, please don't. and everyone leaves tomorrow, about an hour before I get home.



[boys]

pro: things are going pretty okay with youknowwho, it's maybe not as special or fun or nervewracking as it used to be but I think I like that for now. not seeing him for a while for obvious reasons, but that's okay with me too and I think I need it. also, cute boy in meteorology. and in american lit. and in renaissance lit, but idk him and he's kind of a bitch lmfao.

con: frustrated because he won't just say what needs to be said, and last night was just ugh. he just made me annoyed. flirting's fun but it's starting to get old and it's like, can we get to the next level yet or what? and other boys still don't get the picture and leave me alone. deleted someone from facebook the other day because he was just getting to be too much to handle. Leah always says I'm popular with boys but it's like, even if that's true why are they all wusses or annoying or too shy to do anything about it?



[friends]

pro: making so many new friends this semester. have a whole posse at school now so that's cool. my roommate is awesome and we never fight or anything. just today Kevin brought over these two girls I didn't know and they were pretty cool. stoked to see SJ friends soon, and with drama going on with people at home, it's good to know I'm still on good terms with my friends.

con: my college friends all like drama and that's annoying. and not like, hesaidshesaid drama, but serious stuff like pregnancy scares and STD scares and cheaters and rumors and drunk/high stories and bla bla bla. not interested. and some people in SJ are sososo annoying and like causing drama and talking shit so I'm going to stay out of it but it's only a matter of time before I blow. plus I'm annoyed with some of my bffles back home. getting a boyfriend does not mean you cut off all ties from your friends. and just because you're an hour away [oh wow, so far] it does not mean you can barely talk to me and then expect me to tell you my life story even though you refuse to tell me anything you're up to -- and twitter/facebook/etc proves you're doing serious, crazy things and getting fucked up all the time, so don't lie and say you're doing nothing but homework, wtf?



[hobbies]

pros: all caught up with 30 Rock, working on Skins and a few other things. gaming more than I used to, now that all the crazy school stuff's over. reading a lot more, and even though most of it is school related I still feel accomplished. and I get a lot of formspring questions, so that's pretty rad. ;] also loving the fact that pokemon snap was only $5.

cons: thanks to all the anime stuff going on in a few months and my recent purchase of a ps3 [the money for these things are so worth it, but still cleans out my already-near-empty pockets], I'm bordering on miserable because the weight of debt is on my shoulders. grrr this is what happens to poor college students who have to use scholarships and loans to pay for groceries.

I was webcamming with my best friend and just gossiping, and then we started talking about something that happened a few years ago. and then she started to cry and it was just so sad to see her going from enthusiastic-->normal-->tearing up that I started to cry too.

how can anyone doubt that we're best friends?